Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
