It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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