He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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