I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
