Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
