i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
