I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
