why didn't you poke me back
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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