you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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