she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
