If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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