Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
