these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
