Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize