the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
