So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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