Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
