Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
