i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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