Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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