Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
