I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
