so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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