How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize