HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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