Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize