The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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