Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My vagina just clenched in fear
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
