someone threw a dead crab at me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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