you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
