the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
