I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
