I faked an abortion last night.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
