The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Drunk is a universal language darling
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
The air taste purple.
Randomize
