I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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