You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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