what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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