..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize