Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Tornado booty call.. dedication
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
