I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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