I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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