Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
