haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize