I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
