GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
