wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
it's like iHOP with fire
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
