I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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