if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize