Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
