My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
so much tequila, so little girl.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize