I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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