hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I could fuck to npr.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
