Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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