You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
