I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
