Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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