Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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