I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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