I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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