I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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