i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
