I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
