I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
