You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
