I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
