Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
