I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
