All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
